Throughout my life I felt like I had to be perfect at everything. When it comes to school I can’t make any bad grades & if I did I would beat myself up… thinking I am a complete failure. I guess you can call me a perfectionist. This is my last year in college. I will be getting my associates degree in psychology in December of this year. Exciting right?! but I haven’t been feeling so happy. I been so stressed out, overwhelmed & my anxiety has been so bad since this semester started. I was talking to someone on social media & we were discussing about how our last year has been good so far. You are probably wondering why…I’m suppose to be happy. Yea I am but lately I been feeling a lot of pressure. I tell myself “Okay Chanel this is you last year. Everything has to be perfect & on point. My grades & GPA have to be perfect & I have to stay on the honor society. IT MUST BE PERFECT!” But does it really matter? Do I have to be perfect at everything? No I don’t. Yes grades do matter & I’m pretty sure other universities will look at that but that won’t keep me from going further into my education. I had to think & realize that my grades doesn’t define my intelligence. If I pass a class with a C or if I get dropped from the honor society because of my GPA. ITS OKAY! That doesn’t make me a bad student. All I want is to graduate & get my degree. I now realize that I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself & its okay not to be perfect.

Going to college is a exciting experience for me. At the age of 31 I finally get to start working towards my career. Sometimes college can be a bit much, especially having a anxiety disorder. This fall semester was stressful. Taking a total of five classes was too much to handle. I hold myself to a higher standard. I’m the type of student that I have to make A’s and B’s & must have the perfect GPA. I had put so much pressure on myself that I would label myself dumb if I made a C or below on a assignment or test. I would come home after working a nine hour shift and would do homework all night. I felt like their was no room for self care because I was too busy doing school work and that had to come first. I was extremely stressed out trying to get everything done and perfect. The stress caused my mental and physical health to decline. I really had to think about what was more important, my school work or my health. Of course both of them are really important but my health comes first. The first thing I did was try to finish out the rest of the semester without stressing out. I told myself I will do my best to finish all my assignments and exams. If I didn’t pass my classes, that was okay and I can’t give up. The next thing I did was lighten up the load of my classes for next spring,summer & fall semester. This means I won’t be graduating on time and that’s okay. I have to stop being so hard on myself and know my mental and physical health is more important than anything. As long I get my associates degree that’s all that matters.

!Update!: I did end up passing all my classes for the semester with four A’s,two B’s and a B GPA. That is something to be proud of and I’m happy that I made the choice of not to give up.